The 3-Day Walk

The Breast Cancer 3-Day is coming up. Haven't heard of it? It is a 60 mile walk held over 3 days to raise funds for breast cancer research. It is sponsored by the Komen Foundation (the same foundation that sponsors the Race for the Cure) and is held in several cities across the country. The Twin Cities walk is being held August 24-26. I have signed up to participate as a medical volunteer this year...I wasn't sure I would be up to walking 60 miles by the end of August. My friend Shelly Swenson is walking and her team "Treasured Chests" will honor me on their t-shirts. Perhaps you would consider donating to Shelly in her efforts to raise $3000 for the cause. You can do this easily online by following this link:
https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=202293&lis=1&kntae202293=00188B7D806E4C6DBE472D414A8E08E5&supId=57913367

Many thanks to everyone is their efforts to find a cure for this disease!

Back at Work

I've been back a work for a full week now, completing 5 full 8-hour shifts! I know that doesn't seem like a feat to most people but coming back from an illness, it is a big deal and I am proud of myself. I haven't been very productive in the evenings (I've been working day shifts thus far) but that's ok too. Who really cares if the folded laundry is sitting on the dining room table and dog toys are everywhere?

Returning to work has been an interesting experience. Somewhere in my mind, I thought I would just come back like nothing had happened. That wasn't the case. The first day I was greeted with a beautiful floral arrangement from some of my co-workers (THANK YOU Kellee, Donna, Masha, Marsha and Kristen!) and lost of people surprised to see that I looked so well. Like me, many people have the idea that people with cancer look awful and I guess I don't. I am still bald though and the stares and second looks continue.

Because of the nature of our work, I don't often work with the same group of people more than a day or two in a row. That means each time I come to work I am asked the same questions. Of course they start out with "How are you?" but what people really mean is "How ARE you?" Thankfully I am able to answer truthfully that I am doing very well. But I have to admit (this is hard to say without sounding snobby) it's getting old. Each time someone asks me that or wants to hear more about my treatment, status and prognosis (again, because they really care about the information) their questions bring everything back up for me. Returning to work was a turning point for me. Coming back to this place where I have a certain level of expertise and satisfaction allowed me to put an ending point on my cancer treatment. It was done~see...I'm better and I'm back to my usual self. But the questions push me backwards a bit. Just a bit each time but when you've worked in a place for 27 years, you know a lot of people!

I know this will decrease with each shift I am here. It has been a good week. I have been very happy to be back doing my job with my chemo brain dramatically improving. Perhaps I just had to start using my brain a bit more! And as always, the patients are delightful. Yesterday I had a very philosophical discussion with a 6-year-old girl who has leukemia. She was in for a twisted ankle and had just had a chemo run the day before. She still had her hair and we talked at length about why she had hair and I didn't. Enlightening.

And that is why I love my job.

Going back.

Today I get to do something that alot of people don't like to do...go to work. I am going back to work in the emergency department (ED). I haven't worked a shift since February 13, right before my mastectomies. That is a long time to be off and yet, seems like just yesterday in many ways.

Lots of women with cancer work throughout their treatment. Our friend Liz is a firefighter with Mary who did this. She moved to a "quiet" station, tried to avoid direct contact with sick people and rested when she could. Even my oncologist encouraged me to work during my chemo, and I did~at the college. But I couldn't do both. There was no way I could avoid direct contact with sick people as that is the very nature of our job in the ED during the winter months.

There have been some benefits to being away from the ED. Certainly the most obvious is being off during the busiest time of the year. But being away has given me the time I needed to recuperate and heal, to stop and rest when I needed to and to wallow in my self-pity without having to be nice to anyone else when I wanted to. But I think those days are behind me.

I have missed being in the ED. When you really think about work, it is an important place we go to socialize. We get a certain amount of esteem and hopefully, respect from our work. We feel a sense of satisfaction, challenge and reward for our work. Sure, some days are better than others and some days, I would rather not go but overall, I like my job and have missed it.

Today I also move from being the patient to being the health care provider. I am on the other side of the chart providing rather than seeking the medical care and advice. I'll be the one with the pen in my hand, listening and trying to figure out how to best help my patient. That frightens me. I worry about chemo brain. I worry about making math or medication errors. I worry about making the right or the best decisions for my patients. Today...I will double and triple check everything. I will doubt myself and everything I think I remember. Thankfully I am working with physicians that I trust and respect, who I know will not think less of me if my questions seem silly or dumb. They will help me.

Today...I am going back to work. Today I feel like a survivor. Cancer is becoming a thing in my past, something that I have dealt with. Of course I will think about it and worry about it and it will touch my life again but returning to work is helping with my that perspective. I am finally moving on. I am doing something normal...I am going to go to work.