That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger...

Those words have become our mantra this week.

First, a cancer update. My hair is growing back (appears to be gray, just like it left) and I feel great. The fatigue is gone and I am able to work my shifts in the ED without too much chemo brain. I still doubt myself at times and double check my drug calculations but that's about it. Tamoxifen does have a few side effects. Most notable are the aches I feel and the hot flashes. The aches is bone pain and isn't enough to stop me from doing what I want but is enough that I feel it. In fact, yesterday I noticed that I didn't hurt and realized I had forgotten to take my drugs in the morning. I am also becoming an expert on hot flashes. I am having 2 kinds: flashes and flashettes. The flashettes happen many times per day. They are short episodes of "boy, I am really hot right now" and aren't too big of a deal. The flashes are not so good. These last longer and a more significant with feelings of nausea, light-headedness and profuse sweating (like change your clothes). Fortunately these only happen every couple of days or so. Taking prescribed medications regularly does help to reduce the side effects so I faithfully take my Tamoxifen hoping that the side effects will begin to subside.

Yesterday Mary and I had to make the very difficult decision to put our Great Dane, Olivia to sleep. About a month ago we noticed she just didn't seem like her usual self. We took her into the vet for the first time on June 21. From there we have had multiple vet visits, x-rays and CT scans, lab tests, and IV fluids. The diagnosis=diskospondylitis. This is an infection of the disks of the spinal column usually caused by a bacteria or a fungus. We spent the last 10 days of her life giving injected antibiotics as well as potent oral ones. She did not respond to them and we watched her grow increasing disabled. The last time she was able to walk on her own was July 5. Since that time she became increasingly paralyzed, incontinent of urine and stool and her back paws were cool to the touch during the past couple days. We took her in yesterday knowing what we were likely to have to do but hoping in our hearts that our trusted vet could suggest one last thing to try. Unfortunately, disease won and Livie went to sleep with her head in Mary's lap...her favorite human on the earth.

Mary and I often reflect on how lucky we are. We both have great jobs we like, a home we love and the ability to do pretty much as we want. We get to travel and enjoy our friends and family. But we have felt challenged this year. First the loss of Greta then my cancer and now Olivia. Losses. Certainly not on par with a death but challenges nonetheless. Sometimes I wonder if several "smaller" challenges are more difficult to manage than one big one. It feels like we have recovered from one and then are faced with another. Hence, our mantra for the week. That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

OK...we are strong enough for now!