There's no place like home...

Dorothy was right. There is no place like home. With some comfy new jammies and some vicodin, home is pretty darn good. I got home yesterday around noon, after a stop at Caribou for a latte. I have been attended by Mary and my sister. Very well attended I might add! I can't even move in my chair without one of them wanting to know what I need. I can do some things...the discharge papers say 'activity as tolerated.'

There are so many things about my hospitalization which I want to remember. First was the terrific nursing care that I got. I would think it would be somewhat intimidating to care for an old nurse who is a teacher as well. But I can't say enough about the kind and empathetic nursing care I got. Yes. They do wake you up multiple times for no good reason but that is because they have too. I had one particularly wonderful nurse whose name is Carrie. I will remember her always. She touched my heart as well as cared for my body. She made sure Mary could take care of me and my drains as well. She was great.

I also want to remember the horror of having my dressings taken off for the first time. It was Friday night after all of the visitors went home. Kelly was my nurse and she was on one side of me with Mary on the other. Together they gently removed all of the tape (and there was alot of that...) and took the dressings off. I looked down to see my perfectly flat chest, bruised with betadine and dry blood and 2 giant incisions held together with lots of steri-strips. I sobbed. It was too much for me. Mary just kept whispering in my left ear that it meant life...but I couldn't look. And couldn't look the next morning either. Yesterday afternoon when I got home Mary helped me to get into the shower (isn't a shower a beautiful thing!) and I did look then. And then didn't look too bad. And this is one of the wierd things that I am dealing with. I have never been a woman who has identified herself with her breasts. They were there. I had to buy things to cover them and often wished they weren't there so I could be topless whenever I wanted to. And so now, they're not there and I completely fell apart. I think this must be a part of the grieving process and I would imagine, will get better. We'll see.

On a lighter note. They sent me home with a 'mastectomy vest' which is a very nice stretchy, soft undershirt that has pockets in it for my drains. Since they will be in for another week or so, that is handy. The garment is packed with 2 fake boobs. They are just fiberfill in case you want to wear something that is light. Kaja, who loves soft stuffed toys, now knows the command "Get the boob" and has destroyed one already after carrying it around the house. She is making Mary and I both laugh.

There is one more thing that I want to talk about. I am sorry this is getting so long so stop reading at anytime....

I am so touched and grateful for all of the kind words of support and encouragement. I have been getting email and blog posts from people I don't even know as well as some I haven't heard from in years. I have even gotten some from former students which really amazes me since I don't have the reputation for being the sweetest nursing instructor on the block! Mary and I are both thankful for all of the expressions of support that have come in the form of food! Wonderful comforting chicken dishes, soups and even 'new boobs kugel' from the Goldbergers! When we were hungry yesterday it was just a matter of heating up something delicious in the microwave and even Mary Mohn can do that.... Our home smells wonderful also, of fresh flowers and a baked cake. It is clean (thanks to Pat!) and Mary has her very own white cake to snack on. We are so blessed and so thankful to all of you.

Tomorrow we receive the final pathology report. Dr. Stoller did call late on Friday evening to say that the final pathology report on the nodes was negative. That is such wonderful news! The news tomorrow will be about the tumors themselves. From there, we will learn more about what my future holds. Stay tuned...by then, Kaja will have all of my fake boobs destroyed!