So when is your surgery?

Hmmm....that is a good question. My hysterectomy was scheduled for tomorrow, March 5. With just 36 hours remaining in my countdown, I learned it was cancelled. Something about a surgeon who was "really sick." Of course I don't want my surgery done by someone who is "really sick" but really...don't these people have back-up plans? Apparently not.

Let's just recap (and this is going to turn into a rant...but it is MY blog and I can do that if I want to). This surgery was scheduled in December when I was in the midst of some rather unpleasant tamoxifen-related side effects. I decided to wait until March to do it rather than January because this date would give me more time to 'get my affairs in order' and was not during the height of the illness season. Had I not been trying to be good to my students and co-workers, I would be fully recovered by now. But NOOOOOO......instead I have spent (literally) the last 2 months working extra shifts in the ED to build up some extra time as well as planning and posting all of my curriculum for the remainder of the school year. This has created some very long days, particularly in the last 2 weeks.

Additionally, Mary had to make some work exchanges. These are days she will have to work later in the year to repay those that are working for her. With both of our jobs, once you cover your shifts you don't get to change your mind and take them back. You just have time off...in March...with no specific plans. Furthermore, Mary and I planned our vacation around this. We currently have an unused condo in Orlando because we thought it would be too soon for me to travel.

And then there's my hockey team...we qualified for the state tournament this year. An unexpected and very exciting first. As we approached our final games with the possibility of a state tournament in our future, I encouraged the coaches and captains to look for a sub. They have found one who is excited to be playing in the tournament with our team. I am now replaced.

So am I mad? Yes. Not only do I have to live with the continued side effects of tamoxifen, but this little ripple has caused a tsunami in my life. And my choices? Wait until my surgeon returns to work in JULY (she's pregnant and tomorrow was her last surgery day before her delivery) or find a new surgeon. Right now, neither of these options are appealing to me.

And aside from all of the inconveniences, there is the issue of another surgery. I wanted to have my extra parts removed. They are hollow organs located deep in the body which provide a wonderful hiding place for cancer cells. Having the hysterectomy is another step toward stashing the cancer firmly in my past. But I can't do that yet. I can wait and wonder longer. My last breast cancer tumor marker was up some. From my limited understanding of oncology laboratory values, tumor markers are not supposed to increase. When I got the results, I was going to wait to figure that out until after my surgery. So now that I am not having surgery, I have to confront that. And I am scared.

And I am tired...and frustrated...and crabby.