Weight is another one of my issues. Just a quick recap: I had gastric bypass surgery just over 2 years ago. I lost 80 pounds after the surgery and felt great. On the first anniversary of my surgery, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Through my surgery and chemotherapy, I lost an additional 20 pounds and hit my goal weight loss of 100 pounds. I was wearing a size 10 (from a size 26) and feeling thin for the first time in my life.
I've gained some weight. About 20 pounds. I still wear (mostly) a size 12 yet, I feel like the size 26 I used to be. I feel like the old person I was.
This picture was taken in January, 2006 just before my surgery. This is what I feel like I look like now.
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Where does this come from?
I've gained some weight. About 20 pounds. I still wear (mostly) a size 12 yet, I feel like the size 26 I used to be. I feel like the old person I was.
This picture was taken in January, 2006 just before my surgery. This is what I feel like I look like now.
Where does this come from?
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6 comments:
I have gone in the other direction - I used to wear size 12 and now am the 26. Planning to shrink soon :-)
My doctor had a really good chat to me and emphasized that I could still be "fat me" when I got smaller and that could effect my ability to stay smaller. So please don't feel alone on that one.
Apparently it is to do with self-esteem issues, feeling unworthy and sometimes just plain scared.
My doc said that if that happened I should find someone to talk to (including her) because it could be addressed, was quite usual, and would help me find a greater sense of peace from being the 'new me'.
Hope some of that helps you :-)
That picture would be from the "No fire department?? But there are trucks in front of it..." (shannon) from the social justice and outreach trip you helped lead...
becky gengler
Thank you for your kind word M - and you are very welcome :-) And you can tell me to butt out any time you want to lol
Hey M,
It is not the shadows outside of ourselves that haunt us. It is the demons within us that cripple us today. It is the self hatred and self loathing that crushed our spirits and sense of self from when we were a small child. As we peel back the layers we have created for self protection and survival, whether by the intake of food or chemicals, we find a very wounded, still looking for approval child that never healed, never felt good enough, never felt loved just for you, because you never met the mark or standard.
When we heal that child, we no longer need to feed the walls we erect for our safety and protection to hide behind. That is where that comes from...
Lori
God how we women use weight, to feel good/ to beat ourselves up with. I have a mother who was an incredibly large woman, who did nothing about it, but was also an incredibly unhappy woman.
For most of my teens and adult life I have had an eating disorder, though rationalised it as I was thin (often way to thin)
Physically I am as unhealthy as an overweight person. I related so much to your comment 'this is what I feel I look like now' Its not what the mirror says, or our g/f says...but what we feel...
and it is so tied to our self esteem, belonging,Lori nailed it when she said it is in our own demons inside...we are often our own hardest task master.
I know the way to work on it is in my own hands, my confidence, my esteem...but their are days when the little girl inside says 'your a fake' but as I work on things...i hear her voice less and less...
thanks for this post M...it was very honest & I related...
Can't it ever be that we're overweight simply because we like to eat? Why does it have to be because of some "inner demon"? Hell, I just love potato chips & Coca-Cola too much!!
Ah hell, too much to comment on, I think I feel my own blog coming on...
But congrats "M" on your weight loss. Even keeping it down to a size 12 is awesome!!
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