Coming back.

I have finally confirmed what I had always thought was true...a weekend on the river will cure whatever is ailing you.

We spent the long weekend on a houseboat on the St. Croix. A HUGE rented houseboat with a group of wonderful women we are fortunate enough to call friends. We left the dock on Friday afternoon with plenty of food, beverages and high hopes for great weather. We were not disappointed! Ok...a bit of rain on Saturday but that just caused us to move from the table out on the front deck to the one inside.

But soon we were back out there, sitting around the table. The conversation didn't even stop. It just paused long enough to refill beverages and get settled again. By Saturday afternoon the sun was out and it was getting warmer. Sunday was an incredibly beautiful day. We had difficulty keeping up with moving our chairs to maximize sun exposure, reading, napping and chatting. We ate some wonderful meals (THANKS Pam!) and enjoyed some nice bonfires on the beach.

During the weekend I didn't nap...except for a short one on the beach. When we got home on Monday evening, I was beat and ready for bed early. But yesterday I was struck by something. I feel like my old self. In fact, as I thought more about the weekend, I felt more like my old self over the weekend too. Perhaps it was being in a place that I love, doing something that I love. Perhaps it was feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin. Perhaps it was being among a group of wonderful women. I am not sure what the reason for this feeling was and it is not important to me to figure it out. What is important to me is that I feel it.

At several points during the last few months, I wondered if I would every feel like myself again. I hoped so but was afraid there wasn't an old self to feel like. I worried that my cancer and its treatments would somehow alter me as well as my physical self. Who would I become as a cancer survivor? Would the assets of my personality be enhanced or would the deficits become more prominent? Much of this remains to be seen. What is clear right now is that I am slowly returning. The veil of cancer is lifting away and I feel as though I am coming back. And for the days of this past weekend, I forgot I had cancer. Oh sure, I had to put sunscreen on my bald head. Oh...and there was the debate in my head about whether you are topless if you take your shirt off and have no breasts, but aside from that...I forgot. I was just me. Who I am right now, enjoying myself. And it felt great!