Chemo class and back to work.

This has been a big couple of days. Yesterday (Monday) I went back to work at St. Kate's. I found myself feeling lots of different things as I returned. First, it was my first 'real' trip out of the house. By that I mean, the first time I had to be dressed in something other than jeans, wearing makeup and on time somewhere. It took me forever to figure out what to wear. I didn't want to look like a cancer patient. It was also the first time I wore the prosthetic breasts I got last week. I was so completely self-conscious of my appearance it was a bit irritating. I kept bugging Mary about how I looked. I must have asked her a dozen times if I looked like a cancer patient. Each time she patiently said no, that I looked great. She has little credibility with this question ; however, because she either doesn't look too closely or just tells me I look fine. Finally I was able to get out of the door and on campus. I was so nice to be back in my office! I had a nice stream of visitors as people noticed my office door was open~a bonus for moving up a level this year! It was also great to be back in the classroom and see the students again. I have been so moved by their responses to my news. I have received some very emotional and touching words of support and encouragement from some of them. As a group they have shown me some true compassion. I am so excited to see that side of them as people as that tells me so much about what they will be like as professional nurses. It is nearing mid-term so they are getting tired!

During the afternoon I had my post-op appointment with Dr. Stoller, my surgeon. No surprises there. She thought I was doing very well and my scars look fine. She said they would continue to remodel and "smooth" out over the next few months. Right now they are still a bit swollen, numb and tender. If you want to see them, let me know. Stoller lifted my restrictions with the exception of no skiing, hockey or piano playing. Since I didn't play the piano before surgery, that shouldn't be an issue! We also spent some time meeting with Joyce, one of the nurses. She had so much terrific information for me. We talked a lot about beginning chemo and managing the side effects, particularly the sudden chemically-induced menopause I will go through. She referred me to a nurse practitioner who works in the Menopause Center at United Hospital (who knew there was a Menopause Center!). The other thing we talked about is "chemo brain." This is a real side effect and includes cognitive changes including short term memory loss, fuzzy thinking and difficulty with multi-tasking. Since I just finished my PhD, I am particularly worried about this side effect. Apparently there is nothing to be done in terms of prevention or management. Not all women get it either.

Today Mary and I started out bright and early for my mandatory Chemo Class at Minnesota Oncology Hematology, PA (MOPHA). They pride themselves on being a one-stop shop for cancer and think highly of their patient education resources. They did give us a wonderful binder full of information. Today's class was disappointing though. Essentially, a nurse put in a 30 minute video which outlined their services and then went through the various side effect potentials with recommendations for how to manage them. Here is the level the presentation was at: "Many people feel fatigue, the most common side effect of chemo." Their solution: "Take a nap when you need it." OK. I admit. Both Mary and I have been doing a great deal of preparation for this next phase of treatment and are probably overly prepared. My friend Betsy is going to be my home health care provider back-up. She and I were going to go to Chemo Class on Thursday (she was busy this am) but based on what I experienced today, it is not necessary. We did tour the chemo administration room though. It's not bad. A bunch of recliners lined up around the room with a nurse's station in the middle. The patient gets the recliner and can have 1-2 people with them. The nurses and pharmacists mix the chemo right on site. There were patients getting chemo when we visited. They all looked like they were doing well enough. It helps me to know more about what to anticipate with these chemo days. I'll probably be there 3-4 hours for an MD visit, labs and a chemo run. Not bad!

At the end of these 2 very full days, I am tired. By the end of the days, my armpits are swollen and very tender. The pain has definitely increased now that I have been more active. I was tempted to use vicodin last night but really want to avoid it if I can. I am still having trouble turning off my brain to stop thinking about breast cancer. I don't want our household to become breast cancer 24/7. We need time to have some aspects of a normal life. To try to do this, Mary and I went to a movie this afternoon (Wild Hogs) and laughed a lot. That felt good. It was a dumb plot with lots of slapstick kind of humor and just what we needed!

But then I start thinking about the cancer again...I am anxious to get started with my chemo, mostly to get it over with. I prefer to take things head on and get through them. Waiting around doing nothing is not my style! Let's giter done.

I added a couple of things to my blog. First at the top, you probably noticed the chemo countdown. Once I start, it will become my counter for when I am finished. I also added my list of Good Reads. During the past two weeks when my days have been filled with complex decisions like, should I read or knit?, I've read some good books. I thought I'd share my recommendations...if you are interested in a good read!