Puppy Update

It's been a quiet week for me spent slowly starting to feel better after last week's chemo. For Piper, it's been an exciting and busy week spent mostly, growing. In the past 2 weeks, she's gained 6# and grown 3 inches. Now at 13 weeks of age, she is 30# and 19" at the shoulder. We're still working very hard on getting outside in time to go potty and making some progress. We have been attending puppy school and thus far, she's working on sit/stay and down/stay. She seems to have sit mastered pretty well. She also has learned how to dig holes and her big sister's have taught her all about eating deer (and other) poop outside. She even had the chance to play with some busy 5-year-olds!

The first photo is by master photographer, Annika Johnson!

We've had some progress with big sister Olivia. They have been caught on several occasions, playing together. This occurs mostly outside but that's ok. Progress is progress. And please, don't tell Olivia. What she doesn't know won't hurt her!

There were even caught sharing the little dog bed. At the rate Piper is growing, she won't fit much longer.

Tomorrow is chemo #3...yea! I will be 3/4 done. No pity party this time. I am ready to get going so I can be done. As has become a nice routine, Mom and Bob will come over tomorrow afternoon to make dinner for us. It is so wonderful to come home and not have to think about dinner. Thus far, it's been really good stuff too! Tomorrow will probably be no exception.



Here's one more cute puppy photo. This is something we are both really good at~taking naps!

Photos from the Tournament

Team Mack

Stickin' Around

Other photos from both Team Mack's and Stickin' Around's games can be viewed at: http://www.kodakgallery.com/BrowsePhotos.jsp?&collid=62450694206.717928067206.1177428052568&page=1

An overwhelming weekend.

It was an overwhelming weekend for me. The Stick It to Cancer Hockey Tournament began last Friday. There were 77 hockey teams registered for play that covered 3 full days. There were womens and girls teams of all ages and from various parts of the region. To many of the teams, this was simply an opportunity to play more hockey in an organized and well-run venue. To others though, this was an opportunity to play some hockey while benefiting a cause that touches the majority of us~cancer. On Friday afternoon I spent the afternoon monitoring the silent auction area. As a job, it was not tough. I sat on a chair and watched people look at the donations and encouraged them to make bids. I did the same thing on Saturday for another 4 hours. During these hours I had lots of time to observe people. Apparently I was feeling a bit more philosophical than normal as my observations seemed to extend beyond your typical 'people watching.' There are two things that seemed to emerge as themes for me.

First, everyone is nice to a bald lady. I am not wearing a wig and I don't like wearing hats...they pinch my head and since I look like a pirate wearing a scarf, I am left to be bald-headed. So there I sat, bald wearing a volunteer t-shirt and some good earrings. Most of the people that passed by made a point of saying hello, good morning or some other pleasantry. Other volunteers and vendors in the area came by frequently wondering if I wanted or needed anything. Many people stopped to ask how my treatments were going or how I was feeling. One man stopped to tell me about his daughters who were playing in the tournament and how he had a discussion with them about cancer and why their teams were playing in this particular tournament. He wanted them to know it was important to give of themselves. A couple of women whose teams were playing in the tournament stopped to introduce themselves to me as they recognized me from my blog.

Second, everyone has a cancer story and many, many people want to share it. I heard about sisters, mothers and grandmothers with breast cancer. I heard about prostate and colon cancer. Some of the stories were tragic ending in the death of very young, vital people. Others were hopeful and inspiring...like my team mate Judy's Mom who celebrates her 10-year victory over breast cancer! I met her and she looks wonderful! And Judy's partner Lisa, whose mother is a survivor also. No matter what the story, there seemed to be an underlying theme. Everyone is afraid of the big C. And rightly so. Recent studies report that 1 in 3 Americans will be affected with some type of cancer some time in their lives (sorry...no citation, something I heard on MPR). It's an intangible force that can't be challenged directly and carries tremendous morbidity and mortality. It is more than most people can comprehend for their own lives.

I came away from this experience with these two new awarenesses and have to find a way to use them in my life. Why aren't people nicer to those with hair? What is it about baldness that makes us go a bit further for someone? Is it because they are obviously sick; and therefore, more needy? Perhaps I need to be just a bit friendlier, more cordial and willing to chat with those around me. The other lesson relates to the fear of cancer we live with. I have always believed that it did no good to fear things that were out of our control. Afterall, there was little we could do to prevent certain things. While that may still be true, perhaps we do need to fear cancer a bit more. It does come calling with pain and heartbreak, destroying people in its wake. I know that I will never be the person that I once was. My life is, and will be different. I hope that I will be better but maybe this experience will make me more cynical and bitter than I was. While there is no magic prevention plan for cancer, maybe those healthy lifestyle issues we talk about really can help. They certainly can't hurt.

During this weekend, there were some tremendously personal gifts as well. There was a group of women who renamed their hockey team Team Mack and skated their hearts out for me. There was my team, Stickin' Around who also posted my picture and story on their bench and locker room and scored all of their goals for me. There were key chains and bracelet links with my name on it. There was a beautiful and touching gift basket from my Stickin' Around friends. There is not a way to thank everyone for the gifts I received, both the tangible and the intangible. I am overwhelmed and I am just one of many thousands of women who live and survive with breast cancer. But I am lucky. I have a network of love around me that is vast and endless.

During the night I woke with a fever. I didn't measure it with a thermometer as it may have been exceeded the level at which I am supposed to call the oncologist. The fever came with a bit of a sore throat and a headache...most likely a viral illness preying on my altered immune system. I took some Tylenol and went back to sleep. Today has not been a great day but I don't have a fever but I did not get to return to the hockey tournament to watch my teams' last games. Neither team won their tournament brackets. But they are all winners...and they are my friends...and I am blessed.

Tomorrow I will publish photos from the tournament. Please stay tuned.

4:08 am

I am a professional sleeper. At least I have been up until this diagnosis. Now, the wierdest stuff gets me up and my mind going. This morning it was the puppy that started it; however, she is now sound asleep in the middle of our bed and I am in the kitchen, awake.

So what is going on my head that is preventing sleep? One would think it would be life-altering and profound questions but it is just stupid stuff like...I forgot to order the groceries, there's laundry to be folded, did the Wild win? (no), Olivia bit the mailman, there are student papers to look at, did I set up the online quiz for them correctly?, there is a faculty meeting coming up...and oh yea...I am craving macaroni and cheese. Not any mac and cheese-I want the stuff in the blue box that we all ate when we were growing up. Since we don't have that around, I guess I can substitute a grilled cheese sandwich...but what is in that bread that has kept it edible for so long?

See what I mean? Nothing earth shattering, just life's little irritations.

So it is now well after 4 am and I am eating my grilled cheese sandwich (with milk), trying to get a bit of perspective on all of this. I am not up thinking about cancer. I am not worrying about if and when I am going to have a recurrence. That is progress. My cold, bald head assures me there are very powerful drugs circulating in my body that are preventing that recurrence from coming. I wonder if those drugs are also responsible for this sleepless night?

So I will finish my sandwich, double check that I posted the quiz for my students correctly and try to go back to sleep. The puppy will be awake soon...

I am not my hair.

Chemo 2 is over. It went well. The oncology nurse practitioner made some changes in my home meds and I am feeling better...as long as I don't eat much, I don't have nausea and so far, no vomiting. The biggest event is the loss of my hair...

On Monday morning when I was washing my hair, I noticed a weird kind of feeling on my scalp. I mentioned it to the NP and she told me this was the beginning of the end of it. By the time we were on the way home from chemo later that day, there were a few hairs coming out. By early evening, I was able to painlessly pull handfuls of hair out. It was time to shave it off. Why not, it was a beautiful evening and my family was there to witness it. Mary and I went out onto the deck and began.

It as been important to me to maintain a sense of humor throughout this process. Having your head shaved was no exception! Mary seemed to enjoy the experience as well...starting out by giving me a "bowl job" and then working up to a mohawk.

Yes, we throw gang signs here in Woodbury!

Mary also wanted to leave a few tufts for good measure but I knew someone would have to vacuum them up so I had her just do it all. We swept all of my hair (what little of it there actually was) off the deck into the wind for the birds and little animals. Perhaps they will use some of it for nesting materials.

I cried while Mary shaved my head. My Mom cried while Mary shaved my head but then decided I looked like the day I was born. My sister took photos for us. She didn't cry which I found a bit surprising. Here is an after photo of my Mom, my sister and I.

And yes, I do look like a cancer patient now. My head is cold and it feels weird. I wear a baseball hat with my pajamas. I am startling to see for the first time. My friend Betsy stopped by yesterday and was a bit startled but then said she quickly got used to it. Our friend Lorin stopped by yesterday afternoon to kiss my bald head. It's just weird.

But I am more than my hair...much more. Losing my hair is an outward sign of the fight I am waging. And hair grows back.

My friend Kellee sent me a song called "I Am Not My Hair" by India Arie. I don't know how to link it directly here so you can listen to it, but here are some of the lyrics:

I am not my hair, I am not this skin, I am the soul that lives within...

Does the way I wear my hair make me a better person? Does the way I wear my hair make me a better friend? Does the way I wear my hair determine my integrity?

Breast cancer and chemotherapy-Took away her crown and glory... She promised God if she was to survive, She would enjoy everyday of her life...Baldheaded like a full moon shining Singing out to the whole wide world like hey~I am not my hair, I am not this skin, I am not your expectations.

If you want to listen to this song (and the album...it's good!) go to iTunes.

Oh...woe is me.

I'm having myself a bit of a pity party tonight. It is the eve of my second chemo session and I have had a tremendously great weekend. The weather has been incredibly beautiful and I have felt great. No vomiting in several days and no need for naps the past couple. I was able to get outside dig in the dirt a bit and enjoy the spring. And now, oh...woe is me.

Tomorrow is my chemo #2. I got a call from the oncologist's nurse to let me know my blood counts were great and I was ready for the next treatment. Yippee. I get to go in there tomorrow for 5 hours, get stuck with needles and infused with medications that are going to make me feel horrible for days. What is so ironic about all of it is that no one is making me go. I am choosing to participate in my treatment plan freely. There is no penalty for not showing up and no contract to violate. If I didn't go the only person harmed is me. I can't imagine how I would deal with the guilt and shame I would feel if I have a recurrence knowing I didn't do everything I could possibly do.

So I will go.

On a brighter note, I got an email from my NP friend Kristin to say that she had passed her national acute care certification exam. Congratulations Kristin!! I am very happy for her and her success. I did not pass. I missed the passing grade by 9 points. I have known about this for 3 weeks but was toooooo ashamed of myself to tell anyone but my family and the closest of friends. It is the first thing that I can remember failing in my life. Kristin noted in her email that she downloaded some information about the test and found that the test administrators state that those who fail often have some mitigating life circumstance going on at the time of the test that contributes to their failure. I suppose cancer counts as a life circumstance which could interfere with my test-taking abilities. Nonetheless, I consider myself a bright and well-educated person who should (after being a nurse and an NP for this long) be able to pass a certification exam. I find this failure embarrassing regardless of the circumstances. And yes, I get to take it again. Oh, lucky me.

I will now return to my pity party, already in progress.

There is no escaping.

There is no escaping cancer in our society. Yesterday I got an email from a woman that I used to play hockey with. She had just been diagnosed with breast cancer herself. She is younger than I am. That makes 2 women we know who have been diagnosed since I have been. And that is only women we know...

You cannot pick up the paper, go to the grocery store or sign onto your computer without messages regarding cancer of some kind. New warnings, new studies or new products re-designed to increase our awareness and generate research funds. I recently received this in an email from our friend Kris. Apparently M&Ms are now available in a breast cancer awareness package. A check at the M&Ms corporate website finds that they are "Passionately Pink for the Cure." You can find their pink products and recipes at http://us.mms.com/us/news/promotions/komen/

Kitchen Aid has also gotten on board and invites you to "Cook for the Cure" with their line of pink appliances: http://kitchenaid.com/content.jsp?sectionId=457. I am not sure that I need a pink mixer but ok...I admire their attention to the cause. There is also this website called "Think Pink" offering everything adorned in pink ribbons that you can think of: http://thinkpink.homestead.com/Index.html. They even offer the plaid Better Homes and Gardens cookbook (you've all seen one of these...many of you probably own your own copy in red plaid) in pink.

Perhaps I am getting a bit tainted as my life has been filled with breast cancer since early February. If I am not reading about it or thinking about it, I am at an appointment related to it. More recently I have been napping as a result of it. But in the greater society, there is no escaping our attention to cancer in general.

Please don't misunderstand me. I am grateful that there has been the attention to breast cancer thus far. Because of the attention it has gotten, more is known about treatment giving me greater treatment options. That is all good. But if you are someone with cancer, short of closing your eyes and ears when you leave the house, there is no way to escape it for a moment.

About a week ago there was a letter to the editor in one of the local newspapers. It was from a woman who was a breast cancer survivor. I didn't think to clip the letter itself but I found her words interesting. Her point was that she had put her cancer into perspective within her life but society has created so much attention around cancer that she can not escape it. I suspect this will be true for me and all of us diagnosed in this time period. I know there will come a time in which I will truly be able to put this in my past but will the world around me allow it to remain there?

Progress

When we brought the puppy home a week ago, Olivia was insensed. She would get up and move away whenever the puppy came near her. She wasn't mean or aggressive in any way...just indignant perhaps because she once again, had to share her space with a new creature. Yesterday I found the two of them laying together on the dog bed in the sun. They weren't interacting but they were on the same bed. They may have even been touching. Now that is progress!

It has been 8 days since we brought Piper into the house. While Kaja warmed to her immediately, Olivia clearly has a different process and her progress has been slower and perhaps, more deliberate.

Observing the progress of my girls got me to thinking about my personal progress. Yesterday marked 2 months since I heard those words, "you've got breast cancer" for the first time. What is progress? We typically equate the term with positive and forward movement. Ok. I think I have achieved a degree of that. I no longer burst into tears when I talk about breast cancer and it is no longer the only topic discussed in our household. That's progress...right?

Many times in the past couple of months, I taken a few steps backwards. From that perspective, I have been able to take a different look at myself and my situation. That's progress too, isn't it? Even if it did involve a move backwards. And certainly, I am progressing in the treatment of my cancer. I survived my first chemo session and look forward to the next, if only to have it too, behind me.

So how do we measure progress? Sometimes in baby steps. Perhaps that is what I am seeing in Olivia and Piper. It is also what I am seeing in myself sometimes. I no longer am so shocked when I see my naked self in the mirror yet my body doesn't feel like mine yet. It still feels different and foreign and the scars are still horrific. I no longer burst into tears for no good reason yet still cry when I have an intimate conversation about my cancer with someone close to me.

I also think we can measure progress in backward steps. Some life experiences cause us to stop, back up and consider the bigger picture...that which is greater than ourself. Our relationships for instance. Without stopping and taking a step backwards for observation, how can we ever do the periodic reevaluation that is so necessary. At many points in the past two months, I have had to look at the relationships in my life. How have they been affected by my breast cancer? How is my partner...and what will our new relationship look like as a result of this diagnosis? What about my other relationships? From that perspective, we become better prepared to move forward once again. Chances are no relationship will be the same as it was before.

So I take a lesson from Olivia. Progress is growth and change. It is allowing ourselves exposure to new things or even, revisiting old things. Progress is a process. It can be difficult or painful. It may be tremendously rewarding. It is often slower that I would like but happens despite us. We could fight progress but that doesn't seem to make much sense to me.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter. To those who do not participate in the religious aspect of the holiday, today is a day to celebrate the best in seasonal treats...the chocolate rabbit. Who among us can resist those velvety ears? Unfortunately, the Easter Bunny did not make a stop at our house this year and as such, we have no chocolatey ears to nibble. Alas.

And what about those marshmellowy little devils, the peep? You remember them. The bunny was notorious for using those as filler when I was a kid. Since then, the peep has become an icon for the holiday showing up in various settings. For an Easter chuckle, check out this website, http://photo.twincities.com/index.php/2007/04/07/peeps-diorama/ to view dioramas constructed with peeps. I am amazed at what people can think of and choose to spend their time doing. It made both Mary and I laugh!

5 Days Out

Today is Saturday, 5 days post-chemo and I feel pretty good! More like myself with a bit of an appetite and no vomiting for 2 days! This is good. I actually have some energy and feel as though I can get some things done today. I still have hair. I can probably even keep up with the puppy today! And we have a big day planned with visits to PetCo (socialization) and the fire station for dinner.

On Thursday, Mary and I were out with the puppy. It was near 3 pm and we decided to stop at Children's ED for a visit. Good socialization for the puppy and I knew a couple of my friends who would appreciate a visit from a puppy (Marsha and Kellee) were both working. 3 pm is change of shift in the ED and there were lots of staff around. I can't believe how wonderful it was to see these people that I work with. They are so much more than co-workers. They are my friends and I miss them! Don't misunderstand...I don't miss the work per se but I really miss going to work. I miss seeing people, gabbing with them, finding out what is new with their kids and their families. I want to hear about their puppies and their vacation plans. I miss it. Who knew.

Team Mack

Here it is...the Team Mack logo! Is this not incredible or what? I think everyone should be buying at least one for their own.

I have to admit I have struggled a bit with the amount of attention that I have gotten around my diagnosis and treatment. Yes. I have breast cancer and many women do. Breast cancer is the most frequently diagnosed cancer in U.S. women accounting for nearly one out of three cancers diagnosed in U.S. women (ACS, 2004). An estimated 178,480 new cases of invasive breast cancer are expected to occur among women in the United States during 2007. An estimated 40,460 women will die from breast cancer. It is estimated that 2,030 men will be diagnosed and 450 men will die of breast cancer during 2007. In addition to invasive breast cancer, 62,030 new cases of in situ breast cancer are expected to occur among women in 2007. Of these, approximately 85% will be ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS) (Susan G. Koman, 2007).

And back to my point...I am just one of many women facing breast cancer. I am one of the most fortunate ones. I have several things going for me that other women may not. First, I have an incredible support system. My family and friends have rallied the wagons and circled our entire household with love and support. Some of them have "been there" themselves in one way or the other and they can offer a different perspective. I am also finding that most people we have come in contact with have known someone else who has struggled with cancer themselves. Since my diagnosis, we have had another friend diagnosed and our friend Kristin told us of having two other friends of hers diagnosed. This is clearly an endemic issue.

The second thing that I am fortunate for is my medical background and incredible health insurance. I don't know how people without some type of medical understanding get through this. There is a lot to know, understand and coordinate. There are many questions to be asked, treatments to consider and outcomes to ponder. Mary has become a breast cancer expert as well! I came home from chemo on Monday with 5 different prescriptions. Just knowing which one to take when can be difficult to understand. As for insurance, well...one of my prescriptions was $3010.84 alone. Enough said.

Initially I was embarrassed by the attention I was getting around my cancer. While I am an extroverted person, I tend to keep personal issues to myself. But this I couldn't. I wanted to share this news because I am just one person. And next week it could be any one of you or someone you love...and I don't want that to happen. Perhaps right now you are looking at me as if I am your daughter, your sister, your aunt or your mother. That's ok. I am spreading the word.

Get Checked!


References

American Cancer Society (2004). Breast Cancer Deaths on the Decline. Retrieved April 5, 2007 from http://www.cancer.org/docroot/NWS/content/NWS_1_1x_Breast_Cancer_Deaths_on_the_Decline.asp

Susan G. Koman Foundation (2007). Breast Facts: Statistics. Retrieved April 5, 2007 from http://cms.komen.org/Komen/AboutBreastCancer/BreastFacts/BreastFactsStatistics

They weren't kidding.

When Mary and I attended Chemo class in March, one of the side effects they talked about alot was fatigue. Their solution was to take a nap. Well...they weren't kidding about the fatigue. And I am following their complex advice by taking a nap. We think the puppy is in a growth spurt (wait! Great Dane puppies are in a year long growth spurt!) so she is more than happy to nap with me.

I went to school today and it was as easy a day as I ever could have had: Mary dropped me off and picked me up door-to-door, I watched student presentations and had 3 short meetings. Total time=6 hours. By the time Mary picked up at 3 pm, I could hardly wait to get home and crash. Now, after a 2 hour nap I finally feel like I can get out of the recliner and maybe do something...like fold a load of laundry. We still aren't completely unpacked after vacation either.

The rest of my side effects aren't bad. I've had some nausea but ativan has taken care of that. It seems to be worse at night for some reason...like after 11 pm. That's a good time to take ativan anyway. I also don't have much of an appetite but again, that's not the end of the world.

I've only got 3 more sessions and I am tougher than chemo!

Hockey and Breast Cancer

Who knew these two went together? They do, at least in Minnesota and in a big way! The Stick It to Breast Cancer Women's Hockey tournament is coming up later this month at the SuperRink in Blaine. My team, Stickin' Around is playing. The have put an ad in the tournament program that I find incredibly touching.

They are wonderful group of women that I have been so fortunate to meet and skate with this past winter. I am planning on rejoining them in the fall.

My former team is called Icy Hot. They are also playing in the Stick It Tournament and have done a couple of things that I want everyone to know about. First, they have renamed their team to Team Mack in my honor. They have also created a jersey just for the tournament. They will be skating in their new jerseys but have also made them available to anyone interested in purchasing them as an additional fundraiser for the tournament.

Here's the information they published about the jerseys:

As you know, we've changed our name for the Stick It tournament to "Team Mack" to show support and encouragement for our former goalie Mary Mackenburg (current goalie for "Stickin' Around"). Mary Mack also managed and played for "Blades of Steel." Mary Mack has been a great proponent of women's hockey over the years. Because she is an educator at heart, she has chosen to blog the entire story of her cancer at http://a-womanofsubstance.blogspot.com/ so that all of us can follow her journey and learn. Our team knows there are many women standing bravely to fight cancer. We know none of us are exempt. We are pleased to have an opportunity to skate in the Stick It Tournament to fight cancer.

Mike Curti (Chicks with Stix, and illustrator for Hockey Magazine) is graciously designing a jersey logo for Team Mack. The jerseys will be a practice quality dark color and the illustration front will say "GET CHECKED" in pink. They'll also say "TEAM MACK" and will have a # on the back. Size L or XL. We've gotten a break on the jerseys from Dave's and the screen printing company so the net cost is about $15/jersey. We were going to only order these jerseys for our team and to our surprise -- others have expressed an interest in owning them. We are offering an opportunity to anyone involved in Stick It to buy one of these jerseys. We'll sell them for $20 and give $5 back to the tournament. They must be ordered April 9th.

If you are interested in ordering your own jersey, here is the information:

Team Mack Jersey Order Form

Your name___________________________________________________________

Best phone # to reach you ________________________________________________

Your email___________________________________________________________

Jersey size? L XL

Number on your jersey? _____________

$20 payment in full to Stick it Jersey/Sapa Carlson
Jerseys can be picked up at the Tournament Office at the Super Rink during the tournament.
Our cost is $15/jersey. $5 from each jersey sale will be donated to Stick it to Cancer.
If you have any questions, please email Sapa@sapaRealtor.com

Orders and payment must be received by Monday, April 9th.
Please send your check and order to:
Alison Talley
8817 West 35th Street
St Louis Park, MN 55426

If you decide to order a jersey, I will be attending the tournament and will be sure that you receive it. You might want to consider attending the tournament yourself. In addition to watching some great women's hockey, they are having a waffle breakfast and a silent auction. All proceeds from the tournament and other events (including the Team Mack jerseys) goes to breast cancer research.

How about now?

1 down, 3 to go. I survived my first chemo session. It was a long day! It started with a blood draw then a visit with the oncologist who was not impressed with my tan...go figure. From there, it was into the infusion room. They tuck you into a comfy recliner and get your IV started. The first medication given is called Aloxi (palonosetron HCL). This is a long acting anti-emetic in the family of zofran but lasts up to 4 days. Anti-emetics are drugs that control nausea and vomiting. After that it was a dose of IV decadron (a steroid) with some NS. From there, the big stuff: adriamycin and cytoxin. The drug infusions along with some IV fluids took 2.5 hours. Aside from the discomfort of the needlepokes, it was fine. I layed there and watched Grey's Anatomy on my iPod. We were at the Piper Center for about 5 hours. Poor baby Piper had to stay in her kennel for that time...it was a first.

When I got home I actually felt pretty good. I made some phone calls, did the dishes, etc. Mom and Bob arrived and made us a delicious dinner which tasted great to me. We then moved into the living room to watch the Twins opener. It was then the nause moved in. Throughout the evening it was tolerable but slowly worse. My demeanor changed from this first photo to this one taken at 12 noon, to the second one taken at about 10 pm last night. It continued to get bad until it was intolerable at about 1 am. The words of my nurse came back to me...stay on top of it! Use the drugs we give you. I finally took a dose of Ativan (lorazepam) and it seemed to help. This morning I am just a bit nauseated. I have compazine I can use as needed as well. My other post-chemo meds include decadron daily for the next 3 days, and zofran as well as the other anti-emetics. Today I have to have a subcutaneous (that's into the fat...of which I have plenty yet) injection of a drug called neulasta (pegfilgrastim). It is a bone marrow stimulator that increases the production of white blood cells so that you bounce back from your chemo runs more quickly. Apparently one of the side effects of this drug is bone pain as you marrow goes into overdrive. That side effect typically begins about 5 days after the dose, or right about the time the bad side effects from chemo start to wan...it could be a long week! I also learned yesterday that it could take 2 weeks before my hair falls out. I did check this morning, just to be sure it was still there. So far, so good.

One of the things I worried about was if I looked like a cancer patient when I went back to work after my surgery. At that time, I didn't. I felt good and looked like my usual self. So how 'bout now? Do I look like a cancer patient? Not really. I probably won't look like one until my hair is gone. Of at least that would be my take on it after spending yesterday in the chemo infusion room. The only other patient there with hair was wearing a wig. But even though I don't look like a cancer patient today, I feel more like one.

1 down, 3 to go.

Home

We have safely returned home. It was a long trip with a puppy although she did very well. Thankfully, she does not get car sick! She quickly learned how to move from her kennel in the backseat into the lap of the front seat passenger. By the time we got home she was already getting pretty good walking on a leash and would pee the second her paws hit some grass. Her name is officially, Piper. Meeting her sisters went pretty well. Kaja wants to play with her. When Kaja comes too close though, the puppy gets scared. She has also been busy stealing the puppy's toys away from her. Livie is interested in her...from a distance. I have been trying to get a picture of Piper next to Olivia as a size comparison but every time we put the puppy next to her, Livie moves away. Our best effort is posted.

I did take my Acute Care Certification Exam on Friday, March 30. We'll see. It was the most difficult test I have ever taken in my life...and I, a professional student, have taken a lot of different exams in my life.

My chemo begins tomorrow. We have to be at the Piper Center at 9:50 am. I hope I feel better after my chemo is done than I felt after my test was over.