An overwhelming weekend.

It was an overwhelming weekend for me. The Stick It to Cancer Hockey Tournament began last Friday. There were 77 hockey teams registered for play that covered 3 full days. There were womens and girls teams of all ages and from various parts of the region. To many of the teams, this was simply an opportunity to play more hockey in an organized and well-run venue. To others though, this was an opportunity to play some hockey while benefiting a cause that touches the majority of us~cancer. On Friday afternoon I spent the afternoon monitoring the silent auction area. As a job, it was not tough. I sat on a chair and watched people look at the donations and encouraged them to make bids. I did the same thing on Saturday for another 4 hours. During these hours I had lots of time to observe people. Apparently I was feeling a bit more philosophical than normal as my observations seemed to extend beyond your typical 'people watching.' There are two things that seemed to emerge as themes for me.

First, everyone is nice to a bald lady. I am not wearing a wig and I don't like wearing hats...they pinch my head and since I look like a pirate wearing a scarf, I am left to be bald-headed. So there I sat, bald wearing a volunteer t-shirt and some good earrings. Most of the people that passed by made a point of saying hello, good morning or some other pleasantry. Other volunteers and vendors in the area came by frequently wondering if I wanted or needed anything. Many people stopped to ask how my treatments were going or how I was feeling. One man stopped to tell me about his daughters who were playing in the tournament and how he had a discussion with them about cancer and why their teams were playing in this particular tournament. He wanted them to know it was important to give of themselves. A couple of women whose teams were playing in the tournament stopped to introduce themselves to me as they recognized me from my blog.

Second, everyone has a cancer story and many, many people want to share it. I heard about sisters, mothers and grandmothers with breast cancer. I heard about prostate and colon cancer. Some of the stories were tragic ending in the death of very young, vital people. Others were hopeful and inspiring...like my team mate Judy's Mom who celebrates her 10-year victory over breast cancer! I met her and she looks wonderful! And Judy's partner Lisa, whose mother is a survivor also. No matter what the story, there seemed to be an underlying theme. Everyone is afraid of the big C. And rightly so. Recent studies report that 1 in 3 Americans will be affected with some type of cancer some time in their lives (sorry...no citation, something I heard on MPR). It's an intangible force that can't be challenged directly and carries tremendous morbidity and mortality. It is more than most people can comprehend for their own lives.

I came away from this experience with these two new awarenesses and have to find a way to use them in my life. Why aren't people nicer to those with hair? What is it about baldness that makes us go a bit further for someone? Is it because they are obviously sick; and therefore, more needy? Perhaps I need to be just a bit friendlier, more cordial and willing to chat with those around me. The other lesson relates to the fear of cancer we live with. I have always believed that it did no good to fear things that were out of our control. Afterall, there was little we could do to prevent certain things. While that may still be true, perhaps we do need to fear cancer a bit more. It does come calling with pain and heartbreak, destroying people in its wake. I know that I will never be the person that I once was. My life is, and will be different. I hope that I will be better but maybe this experience will make me more cynical and bitter than I was. While there is no magic prevention plan for cancer, maybe those healthy lifestyle issues we talk about really can help. They certainly can't hurt.

During this weekend, there were some tremendously personal gifts as well. There was a group of women who renamed their hockey team Team Mack and skated their hearts out for me. There was my team, Stickin' Around who also posted my picture and story on their bench and locker room and scored all of their goals for me. There were key chains and bracelet links with my name on it. There was a beautiful and touching gift basket from my Stickin' Around friends. There is not a way to thank everyone for the gifts I received, both the tangible and the intangible. I am overwhelmed and I am just one of many thousands of women who live and survive with breast cancer. But I am lucky. I have a network of love around me that is vast and endless.

During the night I woke with a fever. I didn't measure it with a thermometer as it may have been exceeded the level at which I am supposed to call the oncologist. The fever came with a bit of a sore throat and a headache...most likely a viral illness preying on my altered immune system. I took some Tylenol and went back to sleep. Today has not been a great day but I don't have a fever but I did not get to return to the hockey tournament to watch my teams' last games. Neither team won their tournament brackets. But they are all winners...and they are my friends...and I am blessed.

Tomorrow I will publish photos from the tournament. Please stay tuned.