Ohmigod...I have cancer!

I worked in the ED today and it was one of those insanely busy winter days. It felt normal in so many ways. Then every once in a while it would pop into my head..."ohmigod. I have cancer!" It stops me in my tracks. I told the physicians I was working with as well as some of the nursing staff that I feel close to. What terrific people I have the pleasure of working with. My friend WAB, called me with a referral to a surgeon at the U of Mn. He had even taken the time to take with on my behalf. I'll be calling his office tomorrow to schedule an appointment with him. I do think it is kind of funny and sort of amazing when someone responds to my news with "you're kidding" like I would. But hearing that a contemporary of yours has cancer hits us hard. It is somehting that happens to others, not those we know and love.


I played hockey last night and our team did great. We won and I managed a shut out. It was really fun to see my family there to cheer me and my team on. Alvin made a very nice sign as well. There's nothing lke sitting through a C3 women's hockey game to show someone you love them!

My team played again this evening and didn't fair as well. We lost. And it was my last game. For now at least. I told my team that after the game and left the arena in tears which lasted most of the way home. It has been so wonderful to play hockey this season. It was something I missed and was really excited to go back, particularly now that I have lost some weight and can move around better. Stickin' Around was a great team to get started with. They are a wonderful group of women. They offered me their support and I know it was a genuine and sincere offer. I will miss them.


I am really looking forward to tomorrow's visit with the surgeon. Hopefully I will have some more understanding into this journey Mary and I will be taking. I just don't cope well with uncertainty. I like knowing what is going to happen, when. That's the primary way I tray to control my world. Mary picked up a book for me today, "Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book." It appears to be a wealth of information divided into the various stages of the entire cancer process. I want to take a look at it tonight to see if there are suggestions about things I should be asking the surgeon. I think I'll take my tape recorder with me. I don't want to miss anything.

More tomorrow.