Tit Bits

I think it is important to maintain a sense of humor at all times. Apparently other women with breast cancer do too. Yesterday while perusing some of the breast cancer websites, I ran across something that made me laugh hard. Tit bits. Beryl Tsang, a breast cancer survivor, knitter and a woman with a wonderful sense of humor published a story about her struggles with prosthetic breasts. To solve her problem, she created her own knitted breasts called tit bits. I looked at the pattern to see if I could knit some up for myself but the pattern seemed too hard for a novice knitter such as myself. I emailed my friend Marianne who is an accomplished needle-arts expert and reminded her that she said I should let her know if there is anything she could do for me. She is now working on a pair of tit bits for me. Please check Beryl's website. It is wonderful. Here is the link: http://www.titbits.ca/v1/tb_home.html. I think I need a pair of floosie tit bits!

Today is a tough day. It has been one week since my surgery and I think I should be farther along in the recovery process. My right side/drain seems to be doing fine with gradually decreasing amounts of fluid but I have having difficulties with my left. While the tube is still draining some, I am also draining from around the insertion site and that is pissing me off. It is always wet and sticky. My whole left arm is more painful and my hand is swollen. The nurses at the Piper Center tell me this isn't necessarily a problem. That's because they didn't wake up in a sticky mess this morning...I did. I am trying to avoid taking vicodin because I would like to have the option of driving if there is somewhere that I want to go. Mary is home today and tomorrow and is encouraging me to use the vicodin since she can take me anywhere I want to go. Besides...where is there to go anyway. I don't feel particularly social with these lovely drains hanging out of my chest.

Perhaps the drain issue isn't all that bad. I think I starting to feel a bit sorry for myself as well. I am starting to feel more connected to the fact that I have cancer. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone. It is almost as if it (cancer) is starting to become a part of who I will be for the rest of my life. Up until the last day or so, I've had things to focus my attention. Getting appointments lined up, reading and learning as much as I can about breast cancer, and I have been sleeping more. As I feel physically better and have things kind of set up, the emotional aspects of this disease are starting to become more central. Last night my friend Marsha was here. She is able to get into my head in a way that just a few people are able to do. We talked quite a bit about cancer in my life. While I will be a breast cancer survivor, I will also and forever more be someone with cancer. I am having difficulty accepting that as a part of my identity at this point in my life. While I am getting to be a surly old broad, I am only 48 and in the best shape of my life. How dare this darkness come now...